Saturday, August 11, 2007

It goes too fast

~Not long ago, he was my baby. He's turning 5 this week. I realized how fast he moves from the moment he wakes up until the moment he closes his eyes at night, and how I am involved in less and less of all those moments throughout the day. I realized that he's growing away from me. I know he should, I know that this is what is supposed to happen, and I am very happy of who he is, but I had no idea how bad it would hurt. Today, while the other boys napped, instead of stealing some alone time for me by handing him some books, or putting in a movie, I layed on the floor with him and we talked. I realized he's a person, that I can have a relationship with. He educated me on Star wars, and we talked about how we should cut his hair. We picked our first cherry tomato, and colored some pictures. When we heard the little ones waking up, he hugged me, and I told him I missed him. He hugged me harder.

~I realized the importance of getting to know your kids, and how I haven't been doing that enough. I seem to try to get through to the next thing all the time, that I don't spend much time in the moment.
I am glad that he's older and that I have the priviledge of having a relationship with such an amazing person, but when I hold him, apart of me remembers his smiling baby face, and my heart squeezes inside my chest.
Tomorrow will come, and life will pick back up it's usual fast pace, and I won't be able to keep up with him, while feeding my baby, and holding my 2 year old, and there he'll be as always one step ahead, with one foot out the door. I need to remember to freeze it once in awhile, to stop things when we do have the chance, to live in that moment whenever we can, and talk to him, because he's not a baby anymore.



Blogger Grace said...


You are a mother who continues to inspire me. You described my feelings EXACTLY! I can relate to you since my oldest just turned 5 and he will be starting kindergarten in 15 days! I’m missing him already… What an inspirational post, which left me crying, hopeful I’m being a good mother and inspired me to be a better one. I’ve been doing extra special things with my oldest, but thanks for the reminder. Tomorrow I’ll be carving some more extra special time with him. Thank you for a wonderful post and for inspiring me.

8:33 PM

Blogger kddub said...

Thank you Grace, that is very sweet. This first born going to school thing is so hard to deal with. I wonder if it will be as hard to watch the other ones grow up and go to school too?

10:42 PM

Blogger Larissa said...

kristin, this is SUCH a beautiful post. i read it and found myself thinking "i can't wait for my little boy to be a couple years older and have that relationship with him." while i do look forward to the years that lie ahead, i also realize that thinking that way is completely against what i want (fast forwarding life) and what you're even talking about... it's so important to just enjoy them while we can and in any way we can, you are very right.
you are such an awesome mom. thank you for this beautiful post and wonderful reminder.

3:02 PM

Blogger urban mama said...

You made me cry. It does hurt but it is good at the same time. People keep telling me how big my boy is and I want them to stop because it is hard but it is true and they are fun to talk to.

3:49 PM

Blogger kddub said...

I know what you mean, it's a hard realization that they are growing up.

9:59 PM


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